'sup. part deux.
I promised a bit more clarification about my musings on my faith recently.
I've gotten to a point where I know I'll be making decisions about faith that will effect my life in the next few years; and I know that I've always been a person that has melded with whoever he could to better himself in the eyes of others. And I know it stems from how I was treated in Primary School and High School as a kid. I gave my life to Jesus because it definatley felt like the right thing to do.
But currently, I've been thinking. deeply. Thinking about whether I'm a Christian because of the environment I was in.
The emotional experiences I've had; coming to Jesus was an incredible experience; but it was compounded by the people around me. In a time when I was depressed and needing emotional support. To be lovingly welcomed by an amazing group of people was something I really needed at that time.
The beautiful and wonderful friends I had, the relationships I've created. I could not count the wonderful Christians that have entered into my life; from the very beginning of my journey to now. They have shown me that there isn't a group of people that have to hold grudges or be unforgiving. That selflessness and believing in someone above all else is something to strive for.
I don't know if I would be a Christian if it weren't for that. So I'm taking a break from it all. I'm not renouncing my faith or anything, just taking time to think things over. I'm 22 in a week, and I want to make choices that reflect me; not those who are around me. My life is just beginning, after all.
I believe this will concern at least one person, but don't be worried. I'm an adult and I make my own decisions. I'm not going to pray about this because I don't need God to tell me what I feel; that's not what He's there to do. Please, don't pray for me; just wish me well.
No matter what, I love you. All of those that have touched my life, I love you.
I've gotten to a point where I know I'll be making decisions about faith that will effect my life in the next few years; and I know that I've always been a person that has melded with whoever he could to better himself in the eyes of others. And I know it stems from how I was treated in Primary School and High School as a kid. I gave my life to Jesus because it definatley felt like the right thing to do.
But currently, I've been thinking. deeply. Thinking about whether I'm a Christian because of the environment I was in.
The emotional experiences I've had; coming to Jesus was an incredible experience; but it was compounded by the people around me. In a time when I was depressed and needing emotional support. To be lovingly welcomed by an amazing group of people was something I really needed at that time.
The beautiful and wonderful friends I had, the relationships I've created. I could not count the wonderful Christians that have entered into my life; from the very beginning of my journey to now. They have shown me that there isn't a group of people that have to hold grudges or be unforgiving. That selflessness and believing in someone above all else is something to strive for.
I don't know if I would be a Christian if it weren't for that. So I'm taking a break from it all. I'm not renouncing my faith or anything, just taking time to think things over. I'm 22 in a week, and I want to make choices that reflect me; not those who are around me. My life is just beginning, after all.
I believe this will concern at least one person, but don't be worried. I'm an adult and I make my own decisions. I'm not going to pray about this because I don't need God to tell me what I feel; that's not what He's there to do. Please, don't pray for me; just wish me well.
No matter what, I love you. All of those that have touched my life, I love you.
posted by mish at
2:57 pm
4 Comments:
The truth will set you free. Hunger after the truth and seek it with all your heart
By
Anonymous, at 8:30 am, January 22, 2008
How delighfully vague. Set me free from what, exactly..?
By
mish, at 2:15 pm, January 22, 2008
The Christian experience is one that necessitates community. A community of other believers with whom you can fellowship and learn and grow together in Christ. That is the Church.
As Christians, we have submitted ourselves--our lives--to God and Christ. He can work through us...and I think that is what has happened with you and the Christians that you have come to befriend in the past few years. God works with and through them (whether they are conscious of it or not).
So when you find yourself not surrounded by this group of Christians anymore, or you don't feel as close to them, or really any of a myriad of things can happen and cause you to question your faith. Questioning is not a bad thing. From questions, we find answers; from seeking, we find the truth. So, I am glad that you are out there...questioning, seeking, etc.
One last thing, though. Even though you are my friend and I would like to respect your wishes, I am still going to pray for you. And, honestly, I suggest you do to. You stated that you are "not going to pray about this because [you] don't need God to tell [you] what [you] feel." And I agree. You do not need God to tell you what you need to feel...it's, like you said, not what He's there to do. However, through prayer...just hashing it out with God...throwing things out there, talking, asking questions to God, seeking understanding from Him...all of these things are part of prayer, and I hope that you will continue to pose these things to him. Much like a small child continuously asks questions to his father, we should be doign the same such things...we can't always get answers we'll comprehend (how many times as children did we hear "because i said so" or "just because") but prayer is essentially the only direct connection you have with God.... How can you come to understand your feelings about your faith, if you neglect to include Him and ask him questions?
Anyway, man. I do wish you the best of luck and will pray for you (whether you like it or not :p ). I am praying that your journey goes well, that you have the strength to endure seeking to understand your faith (a search I'm not sure EVER ends), and that the love and peace of Christ be with you.
As always,
--Matt
By
Matteo, at 10:34 am, January 23, 2008
thanks Matt, i really appreciate what you've had to say :-)
I may not have the same group of friends that I had back when I first became a Christian; but I still have some very close friends that support my journey and a church community that appreciates me. I still have come to this conclusion though, and I have made the concious choice to take time to do whatever I need to do.
By
mish, at 10:53 am, January 23, 2008
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