What will we find in the head of Mish?

'sup. part deux.

2008-01-21T14:57:00.000+11:00

I promised a bit more clarification about my musings on my faith recently.

I've gotten to a point where I know I'll be making decisions about faith that will effect my life in the next few years; and I know that I've always been a person that has melded with whoever he could to better himself in the eyes of others. And I know it stems from how I was treated in Primary School and High School as a kid. I gave my life to Jesus because it definatley felt like the right thing to do.

But currently, I've been thinking. deeply. Thinking about whether I'm a Christian because of the environment I was in.

The emotional experiences I've had; coming to Jesus was an incredible experience; but it was compounded by the people around me. In a time when I was depressed and needing emotional support. To be lovingly welcomed by an amazing group of people was something I really needed at that time.

The beautiful and wonderful friends I had, the relationships I've created. I could not count the wonderful Christians that have entered into my life; from the very beginning of my journey to now. They have shown me that there isn't a group of people that have to hold grudges or be unforgiving. That selflessness and believing in someone above all else is something to strive for.

I don't know if I would be a Christian if it weren't for that. So I'm taking a break from it all. I'm not renouncing my faith or anything, just taking time to think things over. I'm 22 in a week, and I want to make choices that reflect me; not those who are around me. My life is just beginning, after all.

I believe this will concern at least one person, but don't be worried. I'm an adult and I make my own decisions. I'm not going to pray about this because I don't need God to tell me what I feel; that's not what He's there to do. Please, don't pray for me; just wish me well.

No matter what, I love you. All of those that have touched my life, I love you.

'sup?

2008-01-20T10:26:00.000+11:00

As you can see, I've made a few changes to my blog; deleted a couple of posts and edited a few others. I've mostly made changes to alot of the things that go into the category of describing my faith; as I'm finding that as I move on from what I knew in the past to what I'm beginning to learn in the past few months about what I believe in perceptions are changing. I'm taking some time to really think about my faith and what it means to me; how it defines my life and future. More on that later.

Other news, I've recently started to take my health and wellbeing seriously. After a few months of unrest over exactly how healthy my lifestyle was, I finally got the inspiration from my gorgeous friend, Madeleine to take up a healthier eating regime and take up exercise. I've gone for a walk/jog (can't quite jog much yet, need to do some work there :P) every day for the past week and a half. I usually go about 3.2k's in the evening straight after work and before tea. I'm starting to really feel it in my legs though, they hurt a bit; but I know it's part of the growth. I've cut out soft-drinks from my diet (haven't had any coke withdrawals yet, thankfully) and have mostly got a decent diet worked out. I need to put time into planning things a bit, as I've found myself in some situations with only unhealthy choices in which I've had nothing. So I need to work on providing those sorts of situations with choices. I really love the feeling you get after you get home from a nice walk or jog; and I get alot of satisfaction out of knowing that I'm doing something really productive for my body. I can't wait until I look as good as I feel ;-)

For those of you that don't know; which I would assume is a few. I had a car accident last November. I won't go into many details, suffice to say no-one was hurt (apart from my car) but although I've been without it for nearly 2 months, I will be getting it back all shiny and new soonish. I've really missed having that bit of independence, but thankfully I have a really awesome mate called Rafall who works with me and gives me a lift in every day.

I was writing this before, feeling hungry wondering why I'm not having breakfast. So I went and made myself some and just as a sidenote; bananas are awesome in cereal. Gotta try more of that! It's at the over-ripe stage just before it goes to the offish stage; never eaten a banana at that stage before, tastes amazing though! Mmm...

I'll be heading overseas this year to most likely a couple of destinations; predominatley the US in August to see Jamie whom I haven't been able to annoy in person for the better part of 2 years. I never thought getting a passport would be such a pain in the butt. Mum can provide me with my birth certificate; but it's just an extract! So it doesn't have the date of issue on it, and I need that. So I have to go through some unearthly process to get a copy of the original which even involves the police just to get that one date. I'm going to give the Registrar of B, D & M a call on monday morning to see if I can get the information without a copy of my certificate; but I doubt I'll be able to get it without proving who I am. Annoying. I'm so excited that I'll actually have a passport though :-) Fun.

Back soon,

- Hamish

And Jamie, get online more you bum! I miss you...

The Vicar of Dibley

2007-12-25T18:46:00.000+11:00

I just finished watching the very final episode of the Vicar of Dibley with my father. In it, Geraldine finally gets married to the man that God led into her life. It was an amazing finale.

I am so thankful that God made me an emotional person, I feel so much for anything I want to connect to. It's over now, there will be no more Vicar of Dibley episodes. That show has touched my life, and I have had so much quality time with my father watching it; so many laughs and a few tears as well. I cried realising it was the end.

Gosh I love being able to feel emotions, what a gift.

Animal Crossing

2007-11-20T12:39:00.000+11:00

Please, watch this;

http://animalcrossingtragedy.ytmnd.com/

It moved me so much, please share your thoughts.

Utterly. Fascinating.

2007-11-04T23:50:00.000+11:00

Watch this video, if you don't say "wow" once; then you deserve a gold star.

via videosift.com

If you do say "wow" once, then you deserve a gold star.

See? Everyone wins!

Two Hundred Days

2007-11-01T23:34:00.000+11:00

200 days...

What is that? About 6 and a bit months? Half of a year of your life will pass in the next two hundred days. What will you accomplish, what about you will change?

Will you grow your hair in a different way?
Will you lash out and buy that one thing you've been wanting, walking past every day?
Will you learn something new about yourself?
Will you get a job, will you lose a job?
Will you meet someone who reminds you what it was like to be 12?
Will you meet someone who makes you think about your future?
Will you conquer something that has had control over your life?

I dunno, it seems like alot of people don't remember that time is always passing. It's not something you want to dwell on, but it's healthy to remember things that pass. There is a place for our past in our lives, because it's where we have learnt our lessons. What has happened in our past has made us who we are today; it has shaped us and changed us.

A challenge;

Spend some time, and write down the major changes in your life over the past 200 days. Think about how they've affected your life (you can even pray about them if you like). Summarise what you prayed about, and put what you wrote in an envelope.

Between now and the 19th of May next year, 200 days will pass. Open your envelope then.

God is always active in our lives, leading us when we call out and ask Him to. What will He do for you over the next 200 days? Will you see Him working?

Sometimes I feel like I'm just getting up again for another day at work, another week at work; another month at work. But I know this is just a stepping stone, that I'm moving toward something much greater. Whether this is to teach me responsibility, or how to put in effort; I won't fully understand until I'm where I need to be.

But things take time, and I know as I'm actively seeking things which will help me to mature that circumstances will lead to where they will. I will make choices in the next few years that will change my life dramatically, it's terribly exciting.

I hope this post finds you well, I should get around to posting more than once a month sometime...

- Hamish

Talk to your daughter before they do.

2007-10-04T23:01:00.000+10:00

I don't know if anyone has seen this ad on TV, I don't watch alot of it so I wouldn't know (about 2 hours max in the past 7 months). But I saw this advert from Dove on videosift, and I'm compelled to post it here just because it's so true.

It seems that alot of women are convinced that they have to alter themselves in some way - whether through medication, fad diets or cosmetic surgery - in order to either make themselves feel validated or be attractive to the opposite sex. I don't know how many men are like me, but I believe that women are beautiful the way that God made them; I might not be attracted to every woman on the earth, but they are gorgeous nonetheless. But everyone is attractive to someone, and it's usually (at least for me) not the looks that are the attraction.

What makes a person truly unique, is their personality; who they are. I guess the amazing part of that is no-one else can change that part of you; you can go get your nose made smaller, or take a course of pills to perhaps change the fat on your hips. But no-one on this Earth can change who you are inside but you.

This video makes me think about alot of things; the difference between lust and love; the challenge it must be to help your daughter realise she is beautiful for who she is; how much I look forward to fatherhood; how gorgeous a young girls smile is; etc.

I pray that this isn't a marketing gimmick, and that the people at Dove truly believe what they convey; because it is so refreshing to see this sort of marketing in the cluttered world we live in.

via videosift.com

Ikea = Awesome

2007-09-02T21:12:00.000+10:00

So, I needed a desk; Officeworks didn't help, neither did random furniture outlests x,y and w. (also t). So I decided I'd go for a trip/explore to Ikea in Richmond, and lo and behold there was my perfect desk (along with the most entertaining store I've been to in awhile). I _so_ want to go back there and try the swedish meatballs sometime, just because. As if eating swedish food at Ikea shouldn't be in your list of 100 things to do before you die!!!

Anyway, without further ado, I present to you; my latest purchase, along with my other latest purchases on it, lol. (and some rubbish, too!) My beautiful new desk!

How about that.

2007-07-10T22:52:00.000+10:00

So I got a TV card for my compy the other day, it's fantastic; although I need to get an extension for the aerial. I've been able to hook my PS2 up to it, and have been enjoying that immensely; I haven't been able to play it since I moved to Melbourne, so it has been well recieved. I've cracked open Killer7 again, with it's incredibly deep and moving concepts and political story; I haven't played it for a year, and am already amazed by it again. It is rated MA15+ for a reason though.

My car has been playing up a bit recently, I was driving home from work a few nights back and it decided to chug a bit then not go. Thankfully, I had RACV roadside assistance, and an hour after they said they'd be there (I must point out that I had broken down outside their headquarters in Noble Park North); they were able to get me back on the road with a quick blow out of my carburetter (sp?) with an air compressor. The problem returned a day later, though. Dad seems to think it's my fuel filter; but I'm almost convinced it's dodgy fuel from United; I'm gonna fill up my tank again (go cheap tuesday!) with decent fuel, and see if it doesn't clear up my engines gurglyness. Here's hoping. Dad said that a fuel filter isn't much from *insert random auto-store here* so I guess it wouldn't be a big deal anyway.

I picked up Smallville seasons 2 and 3 at JB a few days back, will pick up 4 and 5 after I've finished those. So far (i'm up to S2Ep17) it's been pretty good. There have been a couple of episodes that they seemed to let it go a bit, I won't stipulate what they are here though because Smallville actually has an arching storyline; don't want to spoil it. Needless to say, I'm glad I've waited this long to get into it; plenty of time to catch up to where they're up to atm. Hope to pick up Superman Returns after I'm finished with Season 5. All good.

Gonna see what it's like if I don't shave for a bit. Might see what I look like with a beard(ish) construction on my face. Interesting personal project to say the least, not something I've ever experimented with before; simply because I'm not "man" enough to get past the itchy stubble stage. Have minded over mattered past it though, I hope; it's weird, but I guess you never never know if you never never grow! (it).

Really loving the music I bought the other weekend. Anberlin are amazing, and so are Skillet (so are the rest, but those are the two that I was hoping were great).

(wzerozerot! for Ninty's upcoming E3 presentation! Let's see how I survive on 5 hours sleep at work, eh? Awesome! Can't wait, see you at 2am Jamie!)

Losing weight

2007-07-04T11:03:00.000+10:00

Had a thought before, as I was doing up my belt. When I moved to Bendigo last year in November; I was the largest I ever was in my life. I had to get new pants, etc, for a new job; simply because my waist was rather large.

My body seems to have just clicked earlier this year, and I've been losing weight ever since. I started off on the first hole in a big belt; and before long was almost last hole in it; kept going on until I had to get a new belt, and now I'm on the last hole in it (and it's starting to feel loose).

I have no idea what I weigh at the moment, but needless to say; I feel healthier, and I'm not depressed about being big. Not to say that being big is a bad thing, but it wasn't somewhere where I personally wanted to be.

Just a quick thought.

I need new pants.

Remembering

2007-07-03T14:09:00.001+10:00

I'm sitting at the train station at Terang, looking out away from under the platform. Waiting for a train to Melbourne, to get back to Benalla. There seemed to be some construction work there at some point, a mound of gravel just past the train tracks off to the left; and a front-end loader were testament to that. It was very green, the field across from us was writing with life; cows and birds. A car whizzed past right-to-left, I believe it was reddy orange; obviously on it's way to someplace it's owner needed to be.

I had alot on my mind, on my way home from Hamilton after visiting a now close friend. We hadn't known each other for very long, but our friendship grew explosively. We fell for each other, and had started to become very close; acts of affection were commonplace during the three days we had just spent together. They would be for at least the next few months. But for now, I had to return to Benalla; and leave the woman I had grown close to behind. I couldn't stop thinking about how beautiful the surrounding landscape is, or how wonderful it felt to have found someone.

I was a new Christian, having given my life to God only a short few weeks ago; and she was very excited for me. I had believed in God for a few years, but I wasn't exposed to any Christian friends until earler; and gave my life to God at a "gushMEET" at the Melbourne Zoo. Since then, we had gotten quite close online, and that didn't change when we finally met in person. But now it was time to return home.

I turned to my friend, Sally, who had made the journey with me and with whom I was now making the return; we had been conversing while awaiting our inevitable transportation from Terang, but throughout the visit Sally had been quite suspicious of the romantic interaction that I had been sharing with the woman we had just visited.

Sally looked into my eyes, and asked me "Did you and Melissa kiss while we were there?". I replied "No".

We had.

He has a corm.

2007-07-03T11:00:00.001+10:00

A New Day

2007-06-29T09:46:00.001+10:00

I hit a fairly average place last night; I have grown alot in myself since mid-february, and a few things have happened since then regardless.

I've had a hiccup in my growth since coming to Melbourne, I've made some decisions I should not have, but I know I've been forgiven for them; It's just a matter of forgiving myself, which I know is something that I need to learn to do.

I'm going to go start my music collection, I only have 1 album at the moment; and due to a recent decision to purge absolutely everything pirated from my possesion, that statement is entirely true. I have a few books and things, but they're all packed into a box at home; I haven't been home for a few months now, as I now work Saturdays as well. I miss my parents.

I started watching Smallville last night, I bought the first season on DVD a few weeks back and have only now just gotten around to watching it. It's quite a fun show to watch, each episode seems to be representative of a "bad guy" coming along and how the complications that arise with his arrival get resolved. The over-arching storyline seems apparent from the get-go, and the teen romance aspects are adorable. It's funny seeing Superman as a shy kid, especially after seeing what he becomes. I love seeing Lex and Clark as best friends, it feels refreshing in a way; I think I might pick up the next few seasons if this one continues to be as entertaining as it is. (Still need to see Superman Returns, wouldn't mind seeing the Christopher Reeve ones either actually; there needs to be more time in the day.)

I can see places in my life where I've changed alot, what I'm doing at the time really shows through in what I say and what dwells in my mind; although I know that rings true for nearly all people, I say that because I know that when I get into a bad place in my head, it's mainly because I've taken my focus away from healty things.

As I type this, I keep thinking about what people will think about when they read it. It's hard because when I hit publish, anyone that I know or don't know can read this. It's not a conversation, people don't have to respond. They can just read it and walk away. That makes me nervous in a way, I don't like being judged. I will post it anyway, and you can read it and think what you want; I would love comments though.

Things as well.

2007-06-28T19:17:00.000+10:00

I moved away from Bendigo late april, to start a job at an IT firm in Clayton. Scorpion Technology. I believe my last post that I made was pre-interview there; needless to say, I got the job. It's an amazing job, so much better than my last. I'm their main warranty guy, I process returns; test and declare them faulty, etc. But I also spend alot of time building systems and troubleshooting problems. I know that stuff may sound mundane and boring to some; but it's exciting. I always love getting my hands on hardware and making a computer live. Not to mention seeing all-new stuff before alot of other people do. It's quite great.

So... stuff hey?

2007-06-10T00:52:00.000+10:00

Tomorrow

2007-04-16T20:16:00.000+10:00

So I go for my second interview tomorrow. I, against all belief; even my own, made it here safely tonight. Possibly - more than I know - thanks to my good friend Mr. Red Bull.

Anyways, thanks for reading lately; and please pray for my interview tomorrow. This has the potentiality to radically change my life, and I want it so much. Thank you all for your care.

God bless.

Weddings and speeches.

2007-04-15T09:25:00.000+10:00

Contrary to what may be alluded to by the title; this is not about speeches at weddings.

I went to a wedding yeterday, between two people that I know at church Karen Myers (*insert possibly girly gush here*) (née Barnes) and Steve Myers. It was a really wonderful wedding, the service was fantastic; Steve looked dashing and Karen looked absolutely beautiful, it was so amazing to see such a loving couple commit their lives to each other.

It got me thinking though, about myself and my own attitudes towards relationships. I was really emotionally invested in my last relationship, and although that isn't always a bad thing. It got me really desiring marriage with my former partner. I feel that in some ways, I was a little overbearing in that way. Just being vocal about it and telling her I loved her a great deal, we even sized her ring early in the relationship; granted, she wanted to do that as much as I did.

I believe that if I had played my part to keep our relationship from forming into a romantic one at the beginning (respecting the fact it takes two to tango*); and had kept it just friends until it was ready to support romance, I wouldn't have had such a strong desire for something like marriage and it's probable effect being to solidify our relationship.

Something to reflect on, and grow from; definatley.

*form a stable romantic relationship that explores the possibility of marriage

On another note, speeches.

If you are a person of faith, I urge you to watch this man speak about his. It's a very passionate speech coming from one of the candidates for the U.S. Presidency next year. If George or John could speak this frankly and honestly about their faith, I believe they would be more respected.

I look forward to hearing from you all soon.

Things are changing.

2007-04-12T17:57:00.000+10:00

So. I got fired today.

I was travelling close behind some womans car for a bit, and she decided that I was tailgating her. She called work threatening with the police, and my boss decided that it was a huge threat to his reputation. I believe that I could have improved my distance between us, but it's a lesson learnt too late.

On the other side of the coin, I've received notice from a IT firm in Clayton that I have a second interview there. So hopefully that will work out. Any and all prayer would be appreciated.

Thank you loyal readers, how's that; 2 posts within a week?

Home Truths

2007-04-09T21:06:00.000+10:00

Alot has been going on lately.

Alot in my life, alot in my mind; and an incredible amount in my heart.

It's hard to cry as if you're sad about something, when you feel like crying because you're so happy.

I wish I was competing in Battlefield 2142 at the moment, but it seems I'm having to make other use of my time; so here I am.

Recently, I've ended a near two year relationship with my closest friend. It had been a tumultuous 2 years, but a blessed time as well. Such a grand amount of time and emotion had been put into said relationship; my heart and mind went into shock once it realised the coming end. I did some things, and said some things that I deeply regret. It's hard to keep a handle on things when something that had become the cornerstone of who you are crumbles within a mere few weeks.

Not to say I didn't do anything right, mind you. I had my moments of spiritual sanity, wherein my searching for God led me to a level of understanding; and I was able to pray with my then partner and level things in my head to what they really were. Good moments, the things that you can reflect on and help you to grow.

I had become dependant on the relationship, moving to a new city to start a new job was a completely foreign experience for me. I had visited many times before, but had mostly restricted myself to spending time with my then partner. A long distance relationship didn't help, we greatly enjoyed each others company whenever we could see each other; which thankfully was often. Having such a predisposition to seek her company greatly hurt my ability so seek and form friendships with other people that I was in close contact with.

In addition, my relationship with the church was in a dormant stage for similar reasons. It's really hard to grow something when your focus is on something else. It's not healthy, not in the slightest. Thankfully, both of those situations have already begun to show huge growth. I've been able to branch out to many different friends, and begin to make a presence within the young adults at my church. I've made the decision to go through the waters of Baptism and form a rapport with my Pastor. It's been a real blessing to have such growth.

A great deal of sinful action was taking place in my heart during the relationship. In some ways, I was simply put "a bad boyfriend". I cared for my then partner very much. But I question how much I truly loved her. Simply because my heart was in such a bad place for the major part of the relationship. Some things you can only realise in retrospect. It's hard to do real battle with a lustful perspective of women that you've had since you were 13 when you're in a relationship with a woman you're incredibly attracted to. (I speak of lust as in desire, her personality was exactly what I felt I wanted; I will refrain on going into details, but needless to say she was attracted to me because of who I was, completely. And that was incredibly special to realise.) I need to work on that area of my heart, my sisters have to be treated like sisters. I am actively on a path with God to correct my way of thinking; and I am very thankful for the work He is doing in me there.

I have learnt an unmeasurable amount about submission and patience. This is simply something that I could not deal with in my own head. And only after learning how to give it over to God, was I even able to begin to make sense of anything. It was often a simple prayer, geared to whatever was on my heart/mind at the time. "Father, I give these thoughts about "name" over to You; and I pray that you can do with them what You will" or "Father, I know that no matter what happens between "name" and I; You will always be there". Such simple prayers helped like nothing else could, simple submission of the situation to God was incredibly uplifting. It was hard learnt though, it took awhile to realise that I had to be submissive to His will. (And that stands as a life lesson, not something limited to this).

I had to learn alot about being patient, and being faithful (faithfulness is, of course, not limited to patience); the two were linked vicariously simply because in order to be patient, I had to believe that God was being faithful. It was hard to sit back initially and let space be had, simply because I felt that I had to do something to fix things. It was a hard lesson to learn, but eventually; I had to be patient, or things would have been incredibly hard to manage. She needed space, and I had to trust that God would do what He needed. Patience had to be had. (And is still needed to be had!) (Haddity had had had, okay; will try not to use "that word" anymore.)

Nothing is fixed overnight, and I struggle still with some feelings. But, I am now grateful for the change that has happened; and am intending to use it completely for the best it can be through God. I still struggle with things, but am getting amazing counsel from amazing people and also growing through prayer and meditation. Several books are at my disposal, and I am making full use of them.

I have a great desire to grow new friendships currently, it was hard at first. I felt like I was becoming an EGR (extra grace required) christian. Simply because I was losing it and felt like a massive burden for all the people that were reaching out to me. I know I have things together in my head now; but absence from the church and the young adults has hurt my ability to continue growing in that area, all is good for the future though.

I have spent an eternity reflecting on the relationship, the good and bad aspects. I've come to realise an alteration in perspective that needs to take place in my heart. Well, a few really. These are my home truths.

----

I need to treat my sisters as sisters.

I realise I touched on this before, but I feel I need to elaborate. My then partner was my sister in Christ first and foremost. Then she was my friend. Then she was my partner. It's really hard to grow a strong friendship when you didn't take time to really get to know each other first. Not to say that we didn't get to know each other during, but if there is no solid foundation to build on, what do you build on? I am sad when I reflect on how our relationship came to be, because although there was a heap of good there; we got close because of bad reasons. And it was mostly my fault. I intend on working on this in my heart with God, and truly growing to have the respect and love I should have for my sisters as a strong part of my walk with Him.

I need to treat my friends, as friends.

I have had the most horrible tendency to grow the potentiality for a great friendship with people, then just leave. Abandon them. Being in a relationship with a person that I admired and cared for as much as my former partner did not help that tendency, it reinforced it. I do intend on reaching out to former friends, and just saying hi; see where things lead. But my real goal is to be in an emotional situation wherein I can really be a friend to the people that care about me; and not just a shiftworker waiting for a shift in my life to reach out to people.

I need to grow a presence in His family.

Something that I have been very open to is growth within the church, trying to find where it is I sit in there. I've had a few things be revealed to me, one is that I'm suddenly very comfortable speaking my mind about God; and I was very comfortable speaking out the front on the day of my baptism. A couple of people even suggested I become a pastor, which echoes what other people have said during my life in Christ. Another thing that has come to light is that I wouldn't mind being a leader within my peers in young adults. I mean, I'm hardly in a position spiritually or otherwise to be a leader of any sort at the moment. But it's something that I hope to explore more with God.

A loving God will not let sin keep permeating your heart.

As much as I was somewhat ignorant of the level of sinfulness that was taking part in the relationship, in hindsight; I realise that for both parties involved, God has intended this break-up as a wake-up call to our shared sinfulness. It's hard to correct a problem in your heart, when you're so comfortable with where you're at. God finally got through to her, and stepped between us to bring us back to Him. It hurt, but what a blessed day that was. It's a strange feeling of being truly loved when you realise what has transpired.

Love is a word with a plethora of meanings.

I had told my then partner that I loved her what I am certain would be in the hundreds of times. Yet did I ever truly love her? I don't really think I did. I cared for her an incredible amount, but if I loved her; would I have been the same person? Or would I have done more to make sure that there was a solid foundation; that my heart was in the right place; that my desires were pure? I believe I would have. I doubt there is an absolutely perfect love in which all of those aspects are completely sound (except for God's love) but I do believe I could have done much, much more to make sure those areas were proper in our relationship. Something I intend to work on in my heart with God.

The bayonet of prayer is our secret weapon, and damnit if we won't get the devils tags.

Prayer is the most powerful thing you can do to bring yourself close to God. We, as God's children, have been blessed with the abiltiy to have one-on-one contact with the creator of all things; and the Divine Lover that He is. If you truly pray something from your heart, God will move in your life to answer that prayer. It may not be in ways we expect, or pray to have happen, or adhere to our timeline, but He will always move when He is approached.

Brothers are brotherly. Sisters are sisterly.

If something goes down in your life that is something related to relationships, it's seriously best talking to someone of your own sex. When it comes to crunch time, guys can give better advice about what a guy is feeling than girls; because we feel different things differently. I've had to encourage a friend of mine to seek people of their own sex, because even though I could give them advice; I felt that my perceptions were probably not as great as another of their own sex could have given. Simply because they have more of a perspective as to how their mind works.

God gives authority to different people in the church.

Pastors are pastors because God chose them to be pastors. Same as people are not pastors because they aren't called to be pastors. If God chose someone to be a pastor, then God has placed upon them a large portion of the leadership of the church. I've had to learn that authority exists for a reason. Not everything that was said to me as things broke apart was easy to hear, but I had to hear it. God grants authority to those He chooses.

----

I am incredibly grateful to all the people who have stepped up to give me support and care during this time. The break-up was incredibly difficult to comprehend at first, but there is so much good coming from it that it's hard to believe it didn't happen sooner in some sense.

I value my friendship with my former partner a great deal, and truly pray that it is able to grow much more than it was before without the burden of a relationship restricting it. I respect that she may not be as ready, or as willing as I may be; nor that she has to be, or ever needs to be. Things will take their due course, and things will either grow or fade. And no matter what happens, I will always have God. And His love will always prevail.

Everybody heals in different ways, and although I am not truly healed of everything; I know I am on a good path and am making great progress with God's leading. Only through prayer and submission will I continue to heal. And grow. I deeply desire the growth I have spoken about. God is faithful, and He will provide.

I honestly have no idea who will read this, but I pray that if you do; and God puts something on your heart to comment. Do not fight it, type it. I deeply appreciate and desire any and all comments.

I pray that I have done justice to what I wanted to get across in this blog entry.

I pray that I have been respectful to all people that have been mentioned in this post.

To get you up to speed.

2007-02-13T18:25:00.000+11:00

Loyal readers, of which there are not many I would assume; simply because my absence of making regular posts.

I was recently told that I had not made a post since August, so... here I goes. To fast track months of stories, I will sum up major events in a few dot points.

- I now have a job, started it on the 13th of November. I'm a Technician for an IT Consultancy firm called Integrating Technology; www.itben.com.au. The Job is fantastic, and I love most of what I'm doing. My 3 month probation period is up today, and they haven't said goodbye, so it looks like I have a full time job for at least the next year. Yay!

-As a prerequsite of afforementioned job, I had to get my P's and move. So I had to get a car as well. So, I now own a red 1989 Holden Barina it runs well and gets me to where I need to go, so I'm happy.

- I live in Bendigo now, moved from Benalla; I board with a family-ish group, a Mum+Dad and two other boarders.

Okay, that's the bigger things; i'll address the biggest thing in the next post, after the break!

Another step in God.

2006-08-30T18:02:00.000+10:00

Hey loyal viewers/readers/peoples; of which there are few.

Last weekend I went to Melbourne to visit a few friends.

First, I met up with Katelyn; which was fun. We went for a long drive around the Dandenong Ranges and fed some birds (which was particularly funky) we had a nice walk around, and even went for a short (but very picturesque) forest walk. Then, Katelyn was really nice and drove me to my friend Tim's place.

Tim lives in Dandenong, he used to live in Benalla until March? last year (I hadn't seen him since). His parents are Salvation Army Majors, and they were relocated to do work at the Dandenong Salvation Army Core. They live behind the Salvation Army Church, in a house the other side of the rear car park.

We build a computer the first night, made up of bits of Tim's old computer; along with a snazzy new case (one exactly the same as my best friend Jamie used to have). It's still better than mine is, although mine has 256MB more RAM (yay!). But we didn't get it full operational until the next day, we went to bed at 1:30ish that night. I got to play a DS Lite for the first time, and i can now officially say that Brain Training is _awesome_. So much fun!

On Saturday, we went to the Dandenong Plaza; walked around for a bit and had a good time; then we went to Fountain Gate Plaza and walked around for a bit there. Then we went home, and installed a few games on afforementioned computer and LANed for a bit. Then we went to bed. It was fun.

Saturday night, i could have gone to my ex Rachel's 19th (I hadn't seen her for 4 years). But, i truly believe God worked out things to be against me going there in the end because of what happened on Sunday.

Hmm, yes... Sunday; a really big day really... I went to Church with Tim (yes, it is so awesome that it takes 5 minutes to get ready and to Church). At church, his dad was speaking. It was about the beatitudes of Christ; i know i have heard a sermon on the beatitudes before, but this was another talk on them. It was about Hunger and Thirst for Christ in your life. And a main point of the Sermon was about how if you truly let God into your life and truly loved Him, then the Hunger and Thirst for His way and His influence in your life would be fierce and you would seek after Him with all your heart.

In addition to this, the church was taught that the only way to be able to quench this thirst was through Jesus; a parable was used from one of C.S. Lewis' books. I'll have to find it one day and put it up, because I only remember bits of it. Needless to say, It was put across that the only way to get to Jesus' life-giving waters is through Him. There is no other way.

So, i'm sitting there in the church; and all of a sudden a though comes into my mind. I know that i'm doing something that God doesn't want me to do. I'm stealing. I know this, because I've talked about this with Tim before. In fact, he bought me a present to help me out. But i know that I'm stealing. I know in my heart at that moment, what God wants me to do. It's hard, and I don't know how it will work, but is it my right to put limits on God? I know that if I have faith, and I do my best to be faithful, God will provide for me no matter what. So I make my decision, and I know what I will do. I will fix this area of my life, I will stop stealing. And then, as I always do, in the middle of a church that I have no idea who 99% of the people are, I bawl. I'm not sad, but I can _feel_ God working in me. So I cry, and I try to stop crying. I tithed as much as I could, and prayed. I thanked God for being there with me, and i know that He will provide for me.

So, I come out of church; and I talk to Tim about what God has called me to do. Tim is happy. He has gone through the same step. I know God took me there for this, and I know that Tim cares about me alot.

(There is alot of stuff that goes in here regarding missing trains and meeting with Ex's, but that is unimportant)

So i finally get home, and i get on my computer. I delete my illegal movies, i delete my illegal music, and i delete my illegal games. I need some software for school, and i'm looking into ways around illegal copies.

While I was in Dandenong, I bought two games. Tim bought me one, and gave me one. I recently bought another for $15; so my collection is growing (thanks to Ubisoft and their recent budget titles that are great). So yeah, i was a little broke until i got paid today.

I think this is a really positive step, i know that i have many more things in my life that need to change; but this is definatley something that I can change, and so I am.

Meanwhile, in Hamish's recent past!

2006-07-25T20:16:00.000+10:00

11 days ago, I celebrated my 17 month anniversary with my beautiful girl Sammy. Now I know that 17 months may not seem like much, but it's more than 2; and when you know in your heart that you want to be with someone for as long as you live, any anniversary; whether it be 17 months or 17 years becomes amazingly special. We made a chocolate cake, which we decorated with shiny little sugar-ball thingys and made a "17" out of m'n'm's minis. It tasted fantastic too, especially the icing (which I don't normally like). We were going to make sultana-bran muffins, but Sammy had to go home, and we didn't get time.

Last Saturday evening, we had the priviledge of seeing the Australian Comedic duo Lano and Woodley live. It was so awesome, regardless of the fact I had seen some of their skits before on TV. I really appreciate what they've done for Australian Comedy. I mean, they even had a sitcom! And it was just like watching them perform for a half hour each episode. They had a DVD there for sale, but I didn't buy it because I felt it was a bit pricey. I wanted to go up and give Woodley a handshake, (or a hug) after the show, but they didn't make an appearance which was sucky.

I've been sick for about 5 weeks now, an awful rash that is on most parts of my body, arms, legs, belly, back, hands. I don't know what it is yet... I hope I will find out on Thursday. I've missed so much TAFE because of it, simply because whenever I'm outside it flares up. I can't do anything but be couped up at home, my recent venture to Bendigo was fun, but my skin was so irritated. I get depressed sometimes, I just wish it would go... I want to go back to TAFE, but I can't. Its all very upsetting. I hope it goes away soon.

I'm going to church on Sunday, I have no idea whether I will be comfortable there; or whether I'll like it; but I've made my mind up that it's about time I went to church in Benalla. I have been toying with the idea for a good couple of years now, so I guess its about time. I feel so lazy when I say that. But it's best to start sometime than never start at all.

Anyway, thats all for now.

Happy reading!

-mish

16 months, eh?

2006-06-15T00:21:00.000+10:00

So....

*collects thoughts*

As I write this post, I would have been with my gorgeous Sammy for 16 whole months. I've known her for longer, of course; but romantically, 16 months. I'm really stuck between whether it feels longer than that, or shorter than that... I guess it feels just right.

Nothing is ever perfect, but I seriously doubt I'll ever find another person that cares for me as much as Sammy does; and that makes me extremely happy that I've been able to spend these 16 wonderful months with her.

Almost singlehandedly, she makes this life on Earth worth it. Even though I long to be in Heaven. But I digress, God blessed me with Sammy. I thank Him everyday for this amazing blessing.

Good luck on your remaining exams, honey. I love you.

The Luckiest

2006-04-21T00:07:00.000+10:00

For You

Ben Folds Five - The Luckiest

I don't get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
brought me here

And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know

That I am
I am, I am
The luckiest

What if I'd been born fifty years before you
In a house on the street where you live?
Maybe I'd be outside as you passed on your bike
Would I know?

And in a wide sea of eyes
I see one pair that I recognize

And I know;

That I am
I am, I am
The luckiest

I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you.

Next door there's an old man who lived to his nineties
And one day passed away in his sleep
His wife, she stayed for a couple of days
And passed away

I'm sorry, I know that's a
strange way to tell you that I know we belong

That I know;

That I am
I am, I am
The luckiest

That I know;

That I am
I am, I am
The luckiest

I remember when I first heard this song. Matt gave it to me one time, and I didn't listen to it heaps; I listened to it, but it wasn't a song that was always on winamp. It used to always touch me, probably because I always had someone special to relate it to. I don't know what drew me to download it again and listen to it tonight, but I did. And I couldn't help but feel like I wanted to sing this song to you, Sammy.

I hope I can get the chance to in May.

I know that there is no such thing as luck, only God; but the romantic feeling of being 'the luckiest man alive' because I have you to love is just so amazing. I feel so blessed to have you in my life, and I can't wait for the future. Our future.

I love you.

Good Friday!

2006-04-14T22:16:00.000+10:00

Isn't it?

Cying

2006-03-31T22:22:00.000+11:00

Two things have made me cry tonight; three if you include my gorgeous gal.

#1. I was watching the last Vicar of Dibley special. And they had a really moving recurring theme during the special of the MakePovertyHistory group, or Live Aid as their most known stigma. They had a really moving section of the show had Geraldine trying to commit them to wearing the white bands that represent MPH and her friends refused because they thought that it wouldn't make a difference. So, Geraldine went to the MPH website (www.makepovertyhistory.org) and played a video that was apparently featured on the site of two young kids in africa that had recently lost their mother, and also their father, and how they were trying to survive without their parents at such a young age. And after the video ended, it cut back to her friends; and they were all wearing the white bands... They made some moving speeches, and in the end; there was a montage during where would normally be the credits of each cast-member proudly wearing the white band. I absolutely lost it. Then I called Sammy, and I completely lost it for a few minutes...

#2. Scrubs has always been a show with fantastic music and wonderful, real performances. I decided that I would watch again the most recent episode tonight. I can't say much about the story because there are MAJOR spoilers, but what I can say is that there is a song at the end called "All of the Words" by Kutless. And it is an amazing and beautiful song, and very appropriate... Needless to say, because of what was happening and the appropriate inclusion of this song; I was in tears...

#3. What else is more appropriate than crying because I miss my Sammy terribly... I love you, darling...

Oh, and another thing; for all those of you who know me on skype; to explain my new nick. My best friends girlfriend saw me come online on said Skype, and it reminded her of a quote she saw during an episode of a show she watches; "I'm Mickey, and I'm Wearing Pants today!". I thought I would humor her.

Anyway, goodnight all!

Almost Sunday

2006-03-18T22:55:00.000+11:00

Its about that time again, Saturday night. The inevitable prologue to Sunday. I haven't really done much today, an episode of Supernatural, two of Family Guy and two so far of American Dad.

Other than that, I've been up and about. I helped Dad to buy the Vicar of Dibley Series 3 on dvd today, and the Christmas/New Year specials of 2004/2005 respectively. That's cool, because I know he'll get alot of enjoyment out of them. So will I. Vicar of Dibley = Good English Comedy. Google it.

I miss my girlfriend, Sammy, something shocking. We've had a couple of disagreements over the past few days, but everything is perfect tonight. Such a beautiful rose, I wish I was with her so I could hold her. I'll see her in a week or two though, so I guess I'm not too hard done by.

Yet to start a 1500 word assignment/presentation that is to be presented on monday week. I should really get onto that, along with the assignments I have due for Stephen's class. Too much putie and not enough workie.

Wookies are from Kashyyk, Bothans are from Bothawui. There are no humans in the Star Wars universe, only Correlians. Why do they call them humans in Empire at War? So confusing. Natalie Portman is cute in The Professional.

Anyways, American Dad beckons, so I guess I'll be back in a couple a' days.

Good evening,

Mish

I adore you, Sammy

2006-03-15T19:31:00.000+11:00

Hello World.

After much, much prodding by my significant other; here lies ye blog of mish. Or whatever.

Much liking the fact i can use Verdana (fav font) and the rest of it is history...

So, today, eh? Today was the day of me downloading the better part of Season 1 of Supernatural. I like Supernatural because its not an overly cheesy TV show, its like a good horror/thriller movie that goes for about 45 minutes and there are 16 of these good horror/thriller movies so far. Which I like.

Oh, and I got a new ep of Scrubs, too! 5 and a half seasons and still kicking ass.

I was going to base my blog around Firefly/Serenity, but then decided that because this is probably going to stick for a bit, I should probably take it a bit more seriously. So, what will we find in the head of Mish?

Probably not alot, but this is a start.

I love you, Sammy